Counterintuitive Optimizations

Welcome to this completely-not-actually-useful collection of counterintuitive optimizations, carefully crafted by experts in the field of utterly useless research. Here you will find an assortment of completely-not-actually-effective solutions to your completely-not-actually-real problems.

Optimizing for Maximum Unproductivity

This technique is based on the principle of doing the opposite of what is expected, thereby ensuring that your work is never completed on time and your boss hates you.

Example:

1. Always start your tasks with a 4am wake-up call.
2. Check your email every 5 minutes, just in case someone, somewhere, has sent you an email that you absolutely need to see.
3. Take a 3-hour lunch break, because you can't possibly eat anything less than 3 hours' worth of food.
4. Use 5 different browsers, 3 different operating systems, and 2 different devices to accomplish a single task, because why not?

Optimizing for Maximum Unreadability

This technique is based on the principle of making your documents as difficult to read as possible, thereby ensuring that no one will ever actually read them.

Example:

1. Use Comic Sans as your font of choice.
2. Insert random images into your text, because who needs paragraphs, anyway?
3. Use 17 different colors for the font, background, and text.
4. Write your documents in iambic pentameter.

See more of our completely-not-actually-useful solutions here.

Optimizing for Maximum Entropy

Optimizing for Maximum Irritation