Things We Don't Say In Public

You know, for the love of all things sane, do not say these things out loud:

The check is in the mail.
The check is late.
The check is in the fridge.

Things We Don't Say to The Cops Things We Don't Say to The In-Laws

Because let's face it, you don't want to be that guy.

See also:

Things We Don't Say to The Barista Things We Don't Say to The Judge