Article I: Purpose
Our organization has a strict no-nonsense approach to employee keyboard productivity.
Section A: Definition
The keyboard lockout is a state of utmost focus whereupon employees' workstations are secured with an impenetrable force field of concentrated typing.
Section B: Initiation
To initiate a lockout, simply press the magic key combination of Ctrl + F11 + 42.
Section C: Rules
1. All employees must type 50 words per minute or face the consequences.
2. Any instance of cat video watching will result in immediate termination of the lockout.
3. No, no, no, absolutely no social media browsing during work hours. Ever.