Stapler-Gate: The Unmitigated Disaster of the Year

chartInstance: 3000 units sold worldwide. Estimated damages: $100 billion. CEO: Jane D. Office, fired. Investigation ongoing.

Key players:

• John T. Employee, Stapler Operator
• Jane D. Office, CEO (formerly)
• Bob S. Manager, Management
• Mary S. Quality Control, Quality Assurance

What went wrong?

It started with a simple stapler. But things quickly spiraled out of control. The stapler, which was supposed to staple paper, instead stapled everything in sight. Including:

• CEO's toupee
• Manager's tie
• Quality Control's clipboard

A team of highly trained specialists were called to contain the situation, but it was too late. The stapler had already stapled:

• The office coffee machine
• Janitor's cart
• The fire alarm

Consequences

The company is currently facing a class-action lawsuit, and several employees have been fired. The CEO is still on the run, but is rumored to be living in a witness protection program.

Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story.