Mike Brown, Stapler

Mike is our resident stapler expert. He's been known to staple things that don't need stapling. He's also been known to staple things that do need stapling, but not in the right way.

Notable Stapling Incidents:

• The Great Staple-Off of 2018: Mike stapled his shoes to the floor, setting off the fire alarm.
• The Stapler-gate Scandal: Mike was accused of stapling his coworkers' reports to the wall.
• The Stapling-Induced Paper Jam of 2020: Mike stapled a ream of paper to his desk drawer, causing a 3-day backlog.

Read more about Ellen Lee, the alleged Stapler-Gate co-conspirator.