Q: What is the best way to defend myself against a stapler?
A: Use your wits. A stapler is a paper tamer, not a paper taker. It is not capable of physical harm, so there is no need to fear its pointy metal arms.
Q: Can I use a stapler to defend myself in close combat?
A: Only if you're facing a ninja. In that case, use the stapler as a makeshift garrote. Just be sure to aim for the neck. But honestly, just run. The ninja will probably get bored and leave.
Q: How do I properly dispose of a used stapler?
A: You may throw it into the trash, but only after you have taken the time to properly de-staple the contents of the trash can. This will prevent any future stapler-related trauma to the environment.
Q: Can I use a stapler as a makeshift microphone for karaoke night?
A: Only if you're singing 'The Sound of Silence' by Simon and Garfunkel. The stapler's metal arms are perfect for mimicking a trombone, and its pointy end will make a great "singing" motion. But be warned: your voice will still be the problem.
More tips and tricks for stapler self-defense
| Tips and Tricks |
|---|
| 1. Always keep a spare stapler in your desk drawer, just in case. |
| 2. Practice your stapler-fu in secret. |
| 3. Never underestimate the power of a well-placed stapler attack. |