Adopt-a-Guard Program

Benefits of Being All-Powerful and All-Knowing

As a member of the Adopt-a-Guard program, you'll have the opportunity to be in charge of everything and everyone. Your every whim will be catered to, your every desire fulfilled.

But don't just take our word for it! Here are some benefits of being all-powerful and all-knowing:

• Unlimited access to the world's best snacks. We're talking caviar and truffles, not just your run-of-the-mill MREs.
• Personal concierge service, available 24/7. Need someone to polish your shoes? We've got you covered.
• Unbeatable wisdom. You'll know everything, from the meaning of life to the best way to fold a fitted sheet.

And don't worry about the paperwork. We'll take care of all the bureaucratic red tape, freeing you up to focus on your, ahem, 'ruling' the world.

Ready to sign up? Click here to download our comprehensive registration form.

Or, if you're just feeling extra generous, click here to donate to the Adopt-a-Guard program.