Official Complaints Page

Dear valued customer, are you unhappy with our services?

• We're sorry, not sorry, but we're working on it.
• Your complaints will be ignored, but only because we're ignoring them.
• Please, for the love of all things good and holy, do not contact our customer support team.

Or, you know, you can:

• Contact our ignore-us page for more information.
• Send a carrier pigeon to our CEO's house.