Warning: this page is for entertainment purposes only. Do not attempt to apply the principles outlined below to real-world relationships.
Are you tired of feeling like you're just a tiny, insignificant speck of dust in the vast expanse of the universe? Do you struggle with the existential dread that comes with being a mere mortal in an infinite and uncaring cosmos?
Look no further! The Ontological Insecurity Index is here to help you navigate the choppy waters of relationships with the help of our expert team of ontologists.
Are you concerned about your partner's ontological alignment? Do you worry that their fundamental nature as a being is fundamentally incompatible with yours? Fear not! We have a team of experts ready to help you work through these issues and find common ground, or not.
Our services include:
Don't be shy! Reach out to us with your concerns and we'll do our best to help you find your place in the grand tapestry of existence.
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By clicking on any of the links below, you agree to hold us harmless for any existential dread, anxiety, or feelings of utter despair that may result from reading this page.
Please note that our services are not a substitute for actual therapy or medical treatment. If you are experiencing severe existential distress, please seek help from a qualified professional.
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