Warning: Do not attempt to use an oscillating compass in your garden, or you will suffer the consequences. These seemingly harmless navigation tools have been known to confuse even the most seasoned gardener, leading to the demise of countless plants.
Research suggests that the primary cause of Compass Disease is the user's inability to resist the thrill of navigation. The constant oscillation between north and south creates a sense of euphoria, leading the user to neglect their plant's needs.
To avoid Compass Disease, do not use an oscillating compass in your garden. If you are already suffering from Compass Disease, please seek immediate medical attention and consider consulting with a qualified horticulturist. In some cases, a simple magnet may be sufficient to correct the issue.
Disclaimer: The information on this site is entirely fictional and for entertainment purposes only. Do not attempt to use an oscillating compass in your garden, or you will suffer the consequences.