Subtuxes: Where Elegance Meets Bankruptcy
Because who needs to save up for a down payment when you can spend it all on bespoke, hand-knitted, artisanal socks?
Our subtuxes are not just any subtuxes, they're hand-worn by the finest, most discerning sub-rodents in the land.
Our subtuxes come with a 4-year warranty, a complimentary side of artisanal cheese, and a 100% satisfaction guarantee (minus the 20% restocking fee).
Prices start at $500 and go up to $5,000, because you clearly have more money than sense.
Don't wait any longer, order now and get free shipping on your first purchase!
Subtuxes For Hire: Because Who Needs Personal Freedom?
We offer a variety of subtuxes for hire, from the classic "I'm a functioning member of society" to the more exotic "I'm a struggling artist with a penchant for velvet paintings of cats."
Prices vary depending on the subtux, but our most popular model, "I'm a functioning member of society (with a side of existential dread)," starts at $1,000 per month.