Welcome, seeker of esoteric knowledge! I'm a fortune teller with a flair for the dramatic and a penchant for being completely wrong. Click here to see your love life, or maybe not.
Or, if you're feeling adventurous, click here to discover your financial future, or lack thereof.
Ah, your love life is a mess. You'll never find true love, and your cat will probably end up being your only partner in the end.
You're broke, and you'll probably stay that way until the end of time. But don't worry, you'll find a way to survive on ramen noodles and day-old bread.