Our Coffee Machine is Dying

As of today, our coffee machine is experiencing technical difficulties. We're talking steam pouring out the wrong color, a cappuccino that tastes like dish soap, and an espresso that's just plain... well, not espresso.

Solutions:

• Call our tech team (they'll probably just ignore you)
• Consult the repair manual (just kidding, it's in Klingon)
• Just throw it away, it's not like it's 1950s

Side Effects:

• Increased risk of caffeine withdrawal
• Higher likelihood of spontaneous human combustion due to lack of caffeine
• Unstable mood swings due to lack of morning buzz