Our Exceptional Spiritual Achievements

Here's what we've managed to accomplish in the name of the almighty dollar.

We've managed to:

Conquer the world (just kidding, we're still working on it).
Develop a highly effective system of procrastination that's been perfected over 20 years.
Perfect the art of making a decent cup of coffee while simultaneously checking our phones for notifications.
Build a website that looks like it was designed by a 90s web enthusiast with a penchant for Comic Sans.
Create a team of highly skilled individuals who are all experts in the field of doing nothing.
Host the world's most exclusive, invite-only, never-happened conference on the subject of "The Importance of Doing Nothing".

Our team has a long history of achieving the impossible. Like that time we managed to get the coffee machine to dispense an entire pot of coffee without anyone touching it. We're not saying it was luck, but...

We've also developed an intricate system of excuses to use when we don't want to do something. It's a work in progress, but it's getting there.

Our team has a combined total of 100% experience in doing nothing, and we're looking to hire more people with similar skills.