Dear St. Nicholas,
We, the Council of Chaos, have been keeping an eye on you. We've heard about your whole "bringing gifts to children" thing. That's nice, but let's be real, who needs gifts when you can have a well-organized spreadsheet?
That being said, we do appreciate your commitment to spreading joy and all that jazz. But let's talk about the real magic happenings. We've been known to leave a few "gifts" in some of these stockings. Just sayin'.
P.S. Don't forget to bring the snacks.