Overcoming Shark Attack-itis: A Guide
Are you tired of living in fear of the ocean's apex predators? Do you find yourself constantly checking the weather to avoid those pesky coastal areas? Well, worry no more!
Step 1: Learn to Swim
It's time to face your fears and learn to swim! Not just any swimming will do, however. No, no. You must learn the ancient art of shark-evading.
Learn the Ancient Art of Shark-Evading
Step 2: Develop a Healthy Fear
A healthy respect for the ocean's top predators is key to surviving an encounter. But don't just be afraid - be fascinated! Learn about the majesty and terror of sharks.
Learn from the Masters
Step 3: Build Your Defenses
It's time to get equipped with the right gear to protect yourself from those razor-sharp teeth. Don't worry, we won't make you buy any of that fancy, shark-repellent spray. Just, you know, some basic swimwear and a good pair of Groupons.
Get Equipped!
And that's it! With these three steps, you'll be well on your way to overcoming Shark Attack-itis. Remember, the ocean is full of wonder, but also full of teeth. Don't be a shark-bait.