Are you considering getting a cat instead? Because let's be real, they're low maintenance and they'll never judge you for eating an entire pizza by yourself.
Pros:
No more laundry!
No more arguments over whose turn it is to do the dishes!
No more boring conversations about politics!
Cons:
They'll still wake you up in the middle of the night demanding food and/or attention.
They'll still shed all over your favorite sweater.
They'll still look at you like you're crazy for thinking you're a human.