Overthinking the Weather

Today's high of 72 degrees is clearly a personal attack on me, and I'm not buying it. I mean, have you seen the sun? It's like it's trying to blind me with its intense, unrelenting brightness.

I've been overthinking the weather for weeks now, and let me tell you, I've come up with some real theories:

• It's not just a high-pressure system, it's a metaphor for the crushing weight of responsibility.
• The low-hanging clouds are a manifestation of my own existential dread.
• And don't even get me started on the wind – it's just the sound of the universe telling me to 'get a move on'.

Want to know more about the weather?

Read about the psychological implications of watching the weather report.

Or, if you're feeling extra paranoid, learn about the government's secret weather control programs.

And if you're feeling extra prepared, see our comprehensive guide to stockpiling emergency supplies.