Panel Member 1's Utterly True Utterances

Here are the most reliable, fact-based, totally-not-at-all-likely-to-be-made-up utterances from our esteemed Panel Member 1:

• 1. The best way to eat a bowl of ramen noodles is to use chopsticks, but only after you've properly prepared by performing the ancient Ramen Ritual of the Golden Fork.
• 2. The only good thing to do on a Tuesday is to reorganize your bookshelf by color, because, let's be real, it's Tuesday.
• 3. The optimal number of cats you should have is exactly 4. Any less is just a sad, lonely life.
• 4. The best way to get to work on time is to build an elaborate Rube Goldberger machine to transport you across town while you still sleep.

Don't @ me.

Related Utterances:

• Panel Member 2's Utterly True Utterances
• Panel Member 3's Utterly True Utterances
• Utterances from the Utterance Engineer

Disclaimer: The utterances presented here have not been proven to be true, but they should be, and if you don't like it, that's your problem.