We're not actually here to help. We just exist to make your insurance claims as complicated as possible.
BUT WAIT, WE HAVE SOME GREAT NEWS! Our premium rates have increased by 100% this year! That's right, you now have to pay TWICE AS MUCH for our subpar service. Yay!
But don't worry, our CEO has a great idea to combat this: we'll just raise our deductibles by another 50%!
And, as a special "service" to our valued customers, we've decided to outsource our customer service to a call center in a country where they don't speak English. You're on your own!
Try our revolutionary new Claim Processor 9000, which will inevitably reject 99% of your claims!