Are you tired of feeling like you're just drifting through life without any real sense of purpose? Do you find yourself constantly wondering, "Am I really making progress, or am I just pretending to be a functioning member of society?" Well, wonder no more! Timbuk's Tape Measure is here to provide you with the definitive answer: you're not special, but at least you're 5'9.75" long.

Discover how quantum fluctuations are actually just a manifestation of the inherent meaninglessness of existence. Read about the Krzys, the ancient civilization that worshipped the tape measure as a sacred artifact. Explore the philosophical implications of measuring the human experience with an object that's only useful for measuring things that are 1/16th of an inch long.