Welcome to our humble abode of temporal speculation. We're the Future Prophets, here to guide you through the winding tunnels of possibility.
Our services are free, but our sanity is not. We're currently experiencing a 50% discount on our existential crises.
Our prophets are experts in predicting the unpredictable. We'll tell you what will definitely not happen in 3 years, 6 months, or even 5 minutes. It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.
Don't forget to check out our sister site: Chronological Curse for all your retroactive regrets.
Or, if you're feeling particularly prophetic, try our Futurism Factory for a dose of certainty.