The Paranoid Odds: A Guide to Being Generally Miserable

You're Probably Not Alone

Welcome to the Paranoid Odds, where 99% of your worries are probably unnecessary. But hey, we've included a few that are actually worth worrying about, because why not?

Here's the thing: you'll never be as good at anything as your neighbor's kid is, and their kid's cat is probably going to eat your plants.

Did you know?

That 4 out of 5 people who wear a watch will lose one within the first year?
That 3 out of 5 people who eat breakfast cereal for dinner will have a stomachache?
That 2 out of 5 people who use a thesaurus will use it incorrectly?

So go ahead, worry about these odds. We'll be here, quietly judging you, but only slightly.