Paranoid Optimization

It's a thing. You know, a way of thinking. It's like, if you can't see it, it doesn't exist, but if you can see it, it's a problem, so you have to optimize it. But how can you optimize it if you can't see it? It's a paradox, man.

Some methods of Paranoid Optimization include:

Mind Your Step 1

Step 2: Where the Hell is My Socks

Step 3: The Socks Are a Plot Device

And, of course, the best practices:

Always Look for Aliens

Never Trust the Therapist

Only Optimize If It's a Plot Device

Note: The subpaths are fictional and are intended to be humorous and absurd.