Paranoid Zen Techniques

Welcome to the ultimate guide on achieving ultimate paranoia while still appearing zen.

Technique #1: Micro-Management

Break down every task into 37 tiny sub-tasks to ensure maximum stress.

• Sub-task 1: Check email for exactly 47 minutes
• Sub-task 2: Check social media for exactly 37 minutes
• Sub-task 3: Check the fridge for exactly 12 minutes (you never know when the apocalypse might happen)

Learn Technique #2: The Power of Negative Thinking