The Paranoid Help Line: Because You Clearly Need It

Are you experiencing existential dread? Do the walls of reality seem to be closing in on you? Don't worry, we're here to help!

Get Help Now (Seriously, It'll Cost You) Insurance Options for the Seriously Afflicted

Side Effects of Our Help Line

Side effects may include:

• Exacerbation of existing paranoia
• Spontaneous combustion (rare)
• Temporary loss of grip on reality