Paranoid's Guide to the Apocalypse

1. You're being watched.

Don't look out the window, don't answer the phone, and definitely don't check your reflection in the mirror. The world is out to get you!

2. The government's tracking your every move.

Don't even think about it, they're already on to you. You're a threat to national security, or at least that's what your neighbor keeps telling you.

3. The end is near.

It's only a matter of time before the zombies rise, the robots take over, or the aliens arrive. Better stock up on canned goods, just in case!

4. Your neighbors are plotting against you.

Just look around, and you'll see the suspicious glances, the whispered conversations, and the secret hand signals. They're waiting for their chance to strike!

5. The internet's watching your every move.

Google's got your browser history, Facebook's monitoring your every click, and Amazon's tracking your purchases. You're a product, not a person.