Paranoiac Events: A Timeline of Unsettling News

1987: The First Sighting of the "Squirrel of Doom"

A mysterious, aggressive squirrel was spotted in a residential neighborhood, sending residents into a panic. Its fate remains unknown, but its impact on local bird populations was devastating.

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2001: The Mysterious Case of the Missing Donuts

A string of donut shops reported a series of bizarre break-ins, with thieves making off with boxes of assorted pastries. Police were baffled, but witnesses reported seeing a group of suspiciously happy-looking men in black.

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2015: The Great "What's the Weather?" Debate

Scientists reported a sudden, unexplained phenomenon where the general public became inexplicably confused about the difference between meteorology and meteorology-related puns.

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