Today was a typical day in the life of a paranoid pilot.
I woke up at 3 AM, convinced the government was watching my every move.
After a quick breakfast of canned tuna and a glass of tap water, I began my daily ritual of scanning the skies for any signs of impending doom.
I spotted a suspicious-looking plane flying by, but it was just a Cessna with a bunch of annoying children on a field trip.
I also noticed that my coffee mug was watching me, so I had to get rid of it.
I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not as paranoid as I thought... or maybe I'm just really good at this whole pilot thing.