Welcome to Paranoid Predictions, where we predict the worst-case scenario for every possible situation. Because, let's be real, it's always going to happen.
Below are our safety guidelines for navigating the treacherous landscape of life.
Rule 1: Don't Look Down. If you see a cliff, don't look down. Just keep walking. It's not like it's going to be there or anything.
What Could Possibly Go Wrong? If you're feeling brave, that is.
Remember, it's not like anything could possibly go wrong. But just in case, here's some more safety guidelines:
Rule 4: Don't Talk to Strangers. Unless you have to. Then just pretend you're in a hostage situation and hope they don't take you seriously.
Rule 5: Always Carry a Fire Extinguisher. Because, you know, fires are the worst.
Rule 6: Don't Trust the Weather Forecast. Because it's always wrong. Always.
And finally, Rule 7: Don't Trust Anyone. Because, let's be real, they're all just going to lie to you.