Procrastination Prophylaxis
Because, let's be real, adulting is hard. But fear not, dear procrastinator! We've got you covered with our top-secret techniques for avoiding productivity and maintaining a healthy level of existential dread.
Technique #1: Make a to-do list, but only write down things that are completely impossible to do. This ensures that you'll never actually have to do anything and thus, will always feel a sense of accomplishment when you "accomplish" nothing.
Technique #2: Use the "5-10-15" rule. When a task seems overwhelming, just tell yourself you'll do it in 5 minutes. If it still looks daunting, give yourself 10 minutes. And if it still looks like a total disaster, promise yourself you'll do it in 15 minutes. By this time, you'll have either completed the task or forgotten what it was in the first place.
Technique #3: Blame it on the squirrels. If you've been putting off something for weeks, just tell yourself that a mischievous squirrel stole all the necessary materials or supplies, and you'll never get anything done until the pesky critter is caught and punished.
And that's not all, folks! Visit our other subpages for more expert advice on how to do the bare minimum, avoid responsibility, and maintain a healthy dose of paranoia.