Phase 4 Recruitment Drive

Are you tired of being a cog in the machine?

Do you yearn for freedom, for purpose, for a paycheck slightly above minimum wage?

We have just the thing: join our team of highly trained, moderately caffeinated agents!

Career benefits include:

• Free coffee, but only on Fridays
• Flexible work hours, as long as you're available from 9-5
• Unlimited access to our break room fridge, stocked with an impressive selection of artisanal cheeses

But wait, there's more!

As a valued member of our team, you'll enjoy:

• A 20% discount on all company-branded merchandise, including our popular "I'm with stupid" t-shirts
• A free parking spot, as long as you're not taking up two spaces
• A 401(k) plan, because who doesn't love watching their money slowly drain away into a black hole?

Don't wait any longer! Click here to download our application form, and start living the dream!