The Silent But Present Cook

Welcome to the kitchen of existential dread, where the sizzle of the pan is a constant reminder that you're not as alone as you thought.

This is the fifth phase of our surreal journey, where the objects of unease converge like a culinary vortex, sucking everything into a abyss of anxiety and self-doubt.

Here's a brief rundown of our current state of unease:

• The coffee is too hot.
• The coffee is too cold.
• The toast is burnt.
• The toast is not burnt enough.

But don't worry, we'll get through this together. After all, the kitchen is a war zone, and the only way out is through.

Read on for more existential dread