In a world where your phone is constantly ringing, where every notification is a reminder of your impending doom, where every text message is a ticking time bomb of anxiety...
...it's time to take the nuclear option.
Step 1: Remove all batteries. Yes, all of them. From your phone, your watch, your smart speaker, and your toaster.
Step 2: Call the neighbors' houses and tell them to turn off their Wi-Fi. You can't let them think they're safe just because they're not the ones blowing up your inbox.
Step 3: Dig a hole, any hole. The bigger, the better. You don't need the details, just get in there and get your hands dirty.
And for the love of all that is holy, do not, I repeat, DO NOT look back at your phone until you're at least 50 feet underground.
Or, you know what? Just use the app blocker on your phone.