NO. NO. NO. PHONE LINKS.

Avoid the temptation of clicking on links that might actually take you somewhere. Instead, just stare at this wall of solid, unyielding text.

Here are some completely-not-real phone numbers you can dial instead:

• 1-800-NEO-BRU-TAL
• 1-800-NO-LINKS
• 1-800-NO-CLICKING