Physical Symptoms of Existential Dread: A Guide

Are you experiencing strange, inexplicable physical sensations that hint at a deeper existential crisis? Look no further!

1. Parasitic Urge (a.k.a. 'I want to eat my own limbs')

You find yourself inexplicably craving the taste of your own skin. Don't worry, it's just a sign that your body is trying to tell you something profound.

2. Phantom Odors (a.k.a. 'I smell the scent of despair')

Unsettling aromas waft through your nostrils, hinting at the crushing futility of life. It's just your body's way of saying 'Hey, you're probably going to end up in a landfill somewhere.'

3. Phantom Pains (a.k.a. 'my arm hurts, but I'm not really sure where it's located')

Sharp stabs of pain emanating from nowhere, leaving you questioning the very fabric of reality. It's just your body's way of telling you that your life choices were wrong.