For those who have given up on love, life, and all hope in the world. A cake so dense, so sweet, and so full of despair, it's like the universe is telling you, "You know what? Forget it."
Get the Recipe for Pineapple Upside-Down Cake of Despair, but first, read this: The Pineapple's Lonely LamentBake the pineapple upside-down cake in the oven, but don't bother with any of that fancy temperature nonsense. Just throw it in there and hope for the best. And when it comes out, cry. CRY. Because it's a mess.
Subsubrecipe 1: Tears of SorrowAs the pineapple weeps, so shall you. A poem of sorrow and woe.
Oh, pineapple, oh pineapple, so full of juice and pain, Your upside-down cake, a reflection of my despair and shame.