Policy for the Extra-Premium Treatment

In order to receive the extra- premium treatment at our esteemed institution, applicants must meet the following criteria:

• Must have at least 5 consecutive years of employment with a company that has a 90%+ employee satisfaction rating.
• Must have a personal savings account with a balance of at least $10,000, preferably in gold.
• Must have a proven track record of excessive consumption of artisanal cheeses and craft beers.

Failure to meet any of these requirements will result in the standard treatment. The standard treatment involves being stuck in an endless loop of beige cubicles and fluorescent lighting. We recommend you take the extra premium treatment very seriously.

Eligibility Requirements for the extra premium treatment are subject to change without notice.