Silence Policy 2: Because We're Not Paying for Soundproofing

Effective immediately, all employees are required to maintain a minimum level of silence at all times. This includes, but is not limited to:

• No talking to anyone, ever.
• No humming or singing.
• No typing on keyboards while eating Cheetos.
• No attempting to communicate through interpretive dance.

Any violations of this policy will result in disciplinary action, up to and including but not limited to:

• Verbal warnings.
• Written warnings.
• Demotion to the mailroom.
• Forced viewing of reruns of "The Great British Baking Show" on a loop.

Exceptions will be made for emergency situations, such as:

• The sound of a fire alarm.
• The presence of a wild animal in the office.
• The sudden and inexplicable urge to burst into song.

Questions, comments, and suggestions can be directed to the Management.

See our Silence Policy 2 Exceptions page for more details.