Our Magical ROI Calculator 2.0

Because Who Needs Actual Math, Anyway?

Step 1: Enter Your Dubious Investment Amount

Step 2: Choose Your Completely Unreliable Interest Rate

Step 3: Select Your Totally Arbitrary Time Frame

Your ROI is in the ballpark! Your ROI is actually a negro... Your ROI is in the movies!

Disclaimer: This calculator is for entertainment purposes only. Do not actually invest in any Ponzi scheme. Or do. We won't judge.

Investors' Guide to Falling into the Pits of Desperation