You Need to Be Motivated to Succeed

Or Else You're Just Not Trying Very Hard

Warning: This page is for those who enjoy being told they're not good enough.

Here are some productivity tips, allegedly:

Tips:

• Make a to-do list. No, wait, make two to-do lists. Just in case.
• Wake up at the crack of noon. It's the new early morning.
• Drink enough coffee to fuel your existential dread.
• Motivate yourself with motivational posters. Preferably the ones with the really inspirational, yet also kind of depressing, quotes.

Or, if all else fails, just pretend you're a functioning member of society.