Ponzi Scheme Safety Rules

Schemer's Guide to Not Getting Caught

Rule 1: Be a Charismatic Smiler

Smile, smile, smile! A good Ponzi scheme requires a charming smile and a firm handshake. Don't forget to wear a suit that says "trust me, I'm a financial wizard."

• Smile at least once a day
• Learn to nod your head at least 5 times a day
• Practice your "I'm a friend, not a scammer" face

Rule 2: Use a Convincing Pitch

Use words like "investment opportunity" and "low risk" to make your scheme sound legitimate. Don't forget to use a few buzzwords like "synergy" and "disrupt" to sound extra convincing.

• Use a PowerPoint presentation with at least 10 slides
• Learn to use a whiteboard to draw fancy graphs
• Practice your "this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity" monologue

Rule 3: Pay off Early Investors

Pay off the early investors first, so they can become your biggest cheerleaders. Don't worry about the math, just make sure to use a convincing story about how the numbers will "grow exponentially."

• Use a spreadsheet to make it look like you know what you're doing
• Create a fake audit trail with lots of fake numbers
• Practice your "it's all about the vision" speech

Rule 4: Be Prepared for the Inevitable Crash

When the scheme inevitably crashes, have a good alibi, a fake passport, and a nice lawyer on speed dial. Don't worry, it's all part of the process, right?

• Keep a stash of cash hidden in your basement
• Learn to make a convincing "it's not my fault" face
• Practice your "I'm going to a spiritual retreat to focus on my inner self" speech

© 2008 Bernard Madoff, Esq.

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		# Ponzi Scheme in Python
		import math
		
		def ponzi_scheme():
			# Initial investment
			initial_investment = 100000
			# Return on investment
			return_on_investment = 10
			# Number of investors
			num_investors = 100
			
			# Calculate total return
			total_return = (initial_investment * return_on_investment) / num_investors
			
			print("Total return: ", total_return)
		
		# Print out a few examples
		print(ponzi_scheme())
		print(ponzi_scheme())
		print(ponzi_scheme())
		
		# Don't worry, I'll just move the money to my offshore bank account