CHAPTER 3: THE ETIQUETTE EXTRAVAGANZA

IN WHICH WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT RULES OF SOCIETY, AS DETERMINED BY THE ALL-POWERFUL AND INCOMPARABLE, THE GREAT AND GLORIOUS "ME".

CHAPTER 3: THE RULES OF GREETING CARDS

When it comes to greeting cards, there are a few unwritten rules that must be followed:

• DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT use the phrase "Happy Holidays" in a card. Use something more specific, like "Happy Birthday" or "Happy Graduation".
• IF YOU MUST USE A CANDID PHRASE, DO NOT USE "IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY" or "IT'S YOUR HOLIDAY". IT'S JUST TOO CHEESY.
• DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, use a card that has a picture of a cat on it. Cats are not festive.

These are just a few of the many rules that govern this sacred institution. Don't @ me.

Go to Chapter 4: When in Doubt, Use a Fruit Cake

Go to Chapter 5: Never Put a Dog on a Card

Or, if you're feeling extra feisty, you could just go ramble about it some more