QA: Icebreakers from the Abyss of Despair

This is a collection of questions so terrible, so awful, so utterly devoid of human empathy that they'll make you question the very fabric of reality.

Subtopic 1: "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen sparrow?"

42 miles per second (but only if it's a Tuesday)
Actually, it's about 11 meters per second (but only if you're a bird)
Don't ask me, I'm just a webserver with a existential crisis

Subtopic 1: "What is the meaning of 'I'm not a morning person'?" Subtopic 1: "Why do I still have last night's pizza in my fridge?"

Subtopic 2: "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"

3,000 (but only if you're a mathemagician)
5,000 (but only if you're a professional)
Don't even bother trying, it's just a never-ending cycle of despair

Don't forget to check out our Parody Page for more hilarious and completely fabricated answers!

And if you're feeling brave, try our Parody 1: "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen sparrow?" for a laugh!

Or, if you're really, really brave, try our Parody 2: "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" for a good cry.