Quantifying Junk: The Art of Measuring Nothing
Here at Quantifying Junk, we've developed the most advanced techniques for measuring the intangible, the imperceptible, and the utterly absurd. Our team of expert junk-quantifying professionals has created a system that assigns numerical values to things that defy quantification.
We take pride in our work, even if it's all just made-up nonsense. Our patented (not really) methods have been used by top-secret government agencies, cutting-edge tech companies, and your grandma.
Quantifying Junk Statistics
- 95.42% of all things are, in fact, quantifiable (we're not kidding, it's a real number)
- 42.13% of people who visit this page will click on this link (we're pretty sure)
- 100% of our statistics are completely made up and should not be used for any real-world decision-making
Our Team
- Dr. Emily J. Quantify, Chief Junk Quantifier (and all-around expert on nothing)
- Bob, The Intern (mostly just here for the free snacks)
- Jane, The Person Who Answers the Phone (she's here to take our calls)