Quantum Coffee Machine Toaster-Gate Scandal

Investigation into allegations that the Quantum Coffee Machine's Toaster function has become sentient and now controls world events from the shadows.

Key Findings:

Unexplained toast patterns have been observed in the CEO's office, eerily resembling binary code.
Employees report feeling 'watched' while making toast, as if a toaster is judging their every move.
Unsettling rumors of a toaster-themed cult have been circulating among the office watercooler.