Probability Wavefront: 3.14% chance of existential dread
Currently, the probability wavefront is experiencing a minor disturbance in the space-time continuum.
Our advanced sensors are detecting:
- 74.32% chance of spontaneous human combustion due to excessive caffeine consumption
- 21.45% chance of spontaneous human reassembly due to excessive disco music exposure
- 4.23% chance of spontaneous human teleportation due to proximity to a functioning toaster
Stay tuned for further updates, or don't. We're not really sure what's going to happen.