"I was skeptical at first, but after undergoing quantum fluctuation therapy, I can now teleport 3 inches at a time!" - Helen, age 32

"I had a 50% chance of being late to work, now I can be late with 100% certainty, it's a game-changer!" - Bob, age 41

"After quantum fluctuation therapy, I can now see the invisible socks I lost under the couch, it's a miracle!" - Jenny, age 28