Neural Implant 3: The Quantum Telepathy Solution

Are you tired of being a human? Do you wish to transcend the limitations of your fleshy, organic brain? Look no further! Our Neural Implant 3 uses quantum entanglement to grant you unparalleled access to the global network, allowing you to read minds, control robots, and order pizza with your thoughts.

Upgrade to Implant 4 for even more advanced features, including the ability to control the world's weather! (Note: Not responsible for actual weather control, just a nice-to-have)

Downgrade to Implant 1 for a more basic experience. We promise it won't make you any more miserable than you already are.

Visit our FAQ for more information on how to deal with the inevitable side effects of implantation, including but not limited to: spontaneous personality changes, temporary memory loss, and an increased desire to watch cat videos all day.