Side Effects of Neural Implants

Warning: the following list may cause existential dread, crippling anxiety, or spontaneous combustion.

• 1. Paranoia mode activated - you'll start questioning every move your cat makes.
• 2. Telekinetic tremors - you'll be involuntarily making objects move with your mind, but mostly just your hair.
• 3. Telepathic tantrums - you'll start yelling at people who don't share the couch.
• 4. Telekinetic toilets - your bathroom will be the most interesting place in the house.
• 5. Neural nihilism - you'll question the meaning of life, the universe, and everything, but mostly just the meaning of your existence.

Side effects may persist, but they're totally worth it.

Paranoia Mode

Warning: do not activate this mode unless you enjoy being constantly on edge.

• Panic and doubt every move
• Pretend your neighbor is plotting against you
• Rant about conspiracies with the mailman

Side effects of paranoia mode: increased anxiety, decreased productivity, and a strong urge to buy a bunker and supplies for the impending apocalypse.

Panic and Doubt Every Move

You'll question every decision, action, and thought. You'll wonder if you're being watched, if someone is manipulating you, or if you're just being paranoid.

• Second-guessing everything
• Sudden-onset insomnia due to excessive worrying
• Paranoid symptoms: excessive hand-wringing, nail-biting, and excessive sweating

Side effects of excessive doubt: loss of productivity, social isolation, and a strong urge to buy a tinfoil hat.

Second-Guessing Everything

You'll question every decision, every choice, every thought. You'll wonder if you should've taken the stairs, if you should've gotten the coffee, or if you should've eaten that extra cookie.

• What if I had taken the bus?
• What should've been done instead?

Side effects of second-guessing: loss of confidence, increased anxiety, and a strong urge to re-read every book you've ever read.